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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Rockbottum Philosophy

The Chill Watch

Thanks to modern wearable technology, it's possible for the average technoid to quickly identify and nullify harmful stress triggers. Just cleverly mate an advanced wristwatch with your hand computer and reap the benefits!  For more info, watch the following short film.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

When That Day Comes

There are subtle clues that surface when one is nearing a career shift or even retirement phase.  These clues, often manifested by certain actions or statements normally suppressed during peak career, can become visible during what Rockbottum CC scholars call "Too Much Time In The Saddle".  Here are a few examples*, along with a short training film, circa 2016. Fester N. Boyle, Green Chairman, approaches while you are hastily repairing a giant irrigation break and says, "Willy, you're almos
Rockbottum Philosophy

Take The Official Golf Aptitude Test

Are you sure you're working in the right job?  Take the Official Rockbottum CC Aptitude Test and find out exactly where you belong in the golf industry. Scenario #1    You are repairing an irrigation break in the middle of the fairway on a crowded Friday afternoon in the heat of August.  Several greens are burning.  Golfers repeatedly demand that you move, as you are in great danger.  Do you:    A. Move to the left rough and cower behind a tree. B. Fearlessly remain in the center of
Rockbottum Philosophy

Countering "Stressure" With The Wayback Machine

"Stressure"     That's what happens when you combine job stress with August.  In order to counter stressure, we look forward to autumn, early winter and family time during the upcoming holidays. Here at The Rock, we have a tradition that involves looking back in order to survive the last few weeks of summer:  We reach into the vault and share video artifacts from way back.  Not only will this stabilize your brainwaves, but folks brand new to golf can learn what to expect during a typical da
Rockbottum Philosophy

Heatherns At The Gate

Do you secretly watch Rockbottum CC, the longest running webisode on the entire internet?  You're not alone.  If you're new here, try to follow these rules and your job will be safe:  Never admit you watch, even to your most trusted associates.  Don't admit actually  knowing anyone from Rockbottum . . . and never, ever say anything in the comment section.        Now watch this film or I'll tell Momma.             
Rockbottum Philosophy

Our Most Important Film Ever

A few days ago, I slipped into a Mom and Pop coffee shop for a latte' and a blueberry scone.  (Ordinarily I'm not allowed to eat flour, but my handler was distracted by scented candles and Christmas lights.) The place was packed, full of people jammed next to each other, mesmerized by smartphones, tablets, and laptops; not a single soul looked up and took notice of me.   I could have been Genghis Khan on a zebra and only the barista would have noticed. Taking my coffee out onto the sid
Rockbottum Philosophy

Here It Comes

It almost feels like we are just sitting quietly while AI takes over our turf careers.  AI promises to help us work, but what if it intends to render us obsolete?  Shouldn't we at least offer some resistance? Contrary to popular narratives, Rockbottum Science states "AI does not think for itself, it's merely an improved algorithm."  If AI could actually think, we'd already be dead.  My Dad dealt with first generation AI, (Adolescent Imbeciles) and AI golf course personnel management was jus
Rockbottum Philosophy

Rockbottum Radio: A New Plan for Golf

In this episode of Rockbottum Radio, a serious discussion breaks out amidst the usual goofiness, pointing out how golf is about to enter The Fourth Turning.  The Rockbottum gang attempts to prepare for the onset of anti-logic perpetrated upon golf by the Rad-Greens and other irrational, oxygen-starved attention seekers.  Join us for the brilliance of Ludell, Momma, Willy and Boof as they duel with a carpetbagger from out west somewhere.
Rockbottum Philosophy

They Seek To Divide Us

There are divisive forces among us, like the Anti-Golf protestors who descended upon a golf course up north in much the same manner as the traffic blockers in London or the farm occupiers in Holland. They portray golf as a bunch of carbon-drenched rich folks still living on plantations.  (Never mind that carbon dioxide only makes up a tiny fraction of the atmosphere and turning 200 acres of turf into free housing would mean even more asphalt hot spots and increased surface runoff.) Gol
Rockbottum Philosophy

Techno-Phobia, Back From The Digital Grave

Because a great many TurfNet villagers have never seen "Techno-Phobia", we gave a wad of money to a techno-shaman to resurrect a dead hard drive containing the film.  Dating back to 2006, Techno-Phobia is a collection of harsh predictions for the golf industry that have since come true. We re-released it for several reasons, the first being our reply to golf industry writers--with no experience as superintendents--who doggedly preach the glorious future of tech while simultaneously attempti
Rockbottum Philosophy

They Want Their Clutter Back

In this short film, Willy of Rockbottum reveals the real reason you might not want to skip pulling cores this year.  Also, Rockbottum News will avoid controversy this summer and stick to kinder, gentler subjects like . . . those pro tour cupcakes, the ugly rumors that golfers are demanding the return of tee clutter, and the truth behind the uptick in golf course fightin' and brawlin' and harsh language.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

Are You Using Filters?

A few days ago, I discovered people have been using digital filters to enhance their online appearance and dating marketability.  This is pure deception, as some of these filters are capable of structural alteration, moving facial bones around like some kind of tikkity-tok plastic surgeon. Online filters remind me of something that happened decades ago, during my first tour as an assistant superintendent.  We were in an inflationary economic cycle and it was fiscally necessary to have a roo
Rockbottum Philosophy

Rockbottum Radio: We Tried to Warn Us!

In this episode, RW gets tangled up in AI when he tries to use Chat-GBB to write the radio show and that failure results in a spirited rant aimed at those we entrusted with getting out the water conservation message. Just as the way forward is revealed, Count Noomskool of the World Globalar Golf Forum arrives and waves huge sums of money at Momma, in order to subjugate Rockbottum CC's verboten individualist attitude.
Rockbottum Philosophy

Know These New Rules for 2023

Recently, Fester N. Boyle, our Club President, and our Head Pro Hugh Jass Bedendorfer, withdrew Rockbottum CC from USGA membership and joined the PGHA, or "Progressive Golf Handicap Association."  The PGHA has designed friendlier, more progressive golf rules to help equitably grow the game, as opposed to the hidebound, stuffy old USGA/RAA rules.  They have also included rules to help guide the Golf Course Superintendent toward a more inclusive and safe golf course environment. Fester and Hu
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