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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

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Rockbottum Philosophy

When That Day Comes

There are subtle clues that surface when one is nearing a career shift or even retirement phase.  These clues, often manifested by certain actions or statements normally suppressed during peak career, can become visible during what Rockbottum CC scholars call "Too Much Time In The Saddle".  Here are a few examples*, along with a short training film, circa 2016. Fester N. Boyle, Green Chairman, approaches while you are hastily repairing a giant irrigation break and says, "Willy, you're almos
Rockbottum Philosophy

They Want Their Clutter Back

In this short film, Willy of Rockbottum reveals the real reason you might not want to skip pulling cores this year.  Also, Rockbottum News will avoid controversy this summer and stick to kinder, gentler subjects like . . . those pro tour cupcakes, the ugly rumors that golfers are demanding the return of tee clutter, and the truth behind the uptick in golf course fightin' and brawlin' and harsh language.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

They Seek To Divide Us

There are divisive forces among us, like the Anti-Golf protestors who descended upon a golf course up north in much the same manner as the traffic blockers in London or the farm occupiers in Holland. They portray golf as a bunch of carbon-drenched rich folks still living on plantations.  (Never mind that carbon dioxide only makes up a tiny fraction of the atmosphere and turning 200 acres of turf into free housing would mean even more asphalt hot spots and increased surface runoff.) Gol
Rockbottum Philosophy

The Vandals Are Coming

When the Visigoths, Ostrogoths, Huns, and Norsemen invaded, they typically came during the day.  But the Golf Vandals are an entirely different bunch.  A cowardly, mindless tribe, the Golf Vandals favor the cover of night.   Agitated by their ever present hand-screens, they can quickly become hysterical when faced with reality. You can use techno-wizardry to neutralize the GV, but remember:  While they are easily frightened, they will return in greater numbers. NOTE:  The counter-measu
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson in Rockbottum Philosophy

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Rockbottum Philosophy

The Positive/Negative GCS Ratio

The owner of Rockbottum CC, Ludella Hogwaller, AKA "Momma",  is always stressing the importance of a positive attitude, a positive work environment and presenting the golfer with a positive golf course.  She even has algae-rhythm formulas to determine if the staff is positive or negative. Momma says two negatives can make a positive.  She proved this by changing Ben, our mean and surly golf course dog, from a negative ratio into a positive.  Momma had Ben's two negatives removed and he beca
Rockbottum Philosophy

The Chill Watch

Thanks to modern wearable technology, it's possible for the average technoid to quickly identify and nullify harmful stress triggers. Just cleverly mate an advanced wristwatch with your hand computer and reap the benefits!  For more info, watch the following short film.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

Techno-Phobia, Back From The Digital Grave

Because a great many TurfNet villagers have never seen "Techno-Phobia", we gave a wad of money to a techno-shaman to resurrect a dead hard drive containing the film.  Dating back to 2006, Techno-Phobia is a collection of harsh predictions for the golf industry that have since come true. We re-released it for several reasons, the first being our reply to golf industry writers--with no experience as superintendents--who doggedly preach the glorious future of tech while simultaneously attempti
Rockbottum Philosophy

Take The Official Golf Aptitude Test

Are you sure you're working in the right job?  Take the Official Rockbottum CC Aptitude Test and find out exactly where you belong in the golf industry. Scenario #1    You are repairing an irrigation break in the middle of the fairway on a crowded Friday afternoon in the heat of August.  Several greens are burning.  Golfers repeatedly demand that you move, as you are in great danger.  Do you:    A. Move to the left rough and cower behind a tree. B. Fearlessly remain in the center of
Rockbottum Philosophy

Rockbottum Radio: We Tried to Warn Us!

In this episode, RW gets tangled up in AI when he tries to use Chat-GBB to write the radio show and that failure results in a spirited rant aimed at those we entrusted with getting out the water conservation message. Just as the way forward is revealed, Count Noomskool of the World Globalar Golf Forum arrives and waves huge sums of money at Momma, in order to subjugate Rockbottum CC's verboten individualist attitude. (This podcast has been archived. Please contact us if you'd like to l
Rockbottum Philosophy

Return of The Brass Monkey

One of the most brilliant Rockbottum films ever produced was "The Brass Monkey Alert", shot somewhere around 13 years ago.  Suppressed by powerful forces in golf, the film was banished to the cold darkness of the censored TN film vault, along with that film we made about a magazine. But now, emboldened by modern times and a crusty "I don't care anymore" attitude that comes from hitting a certain age, we are unleashing The Brass Monkey once again.  Watch to the end to learn some important ti
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson in Rockbottum Philosophy

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Rockbottum Philosophy

Poisoned by Too Much Screen Time? Enter the UNSOCIAL MEDIA AWARDS

This week's guest author is Ludell Hogwaller. My name is Ludell and I suffer from TMST. Last week, I was the guest of honor at an exorcism, carried out by the Rockbottum elite, Chet Lester, Ydnar, Aint Feemy and Bubba.  They intended to excise my Luddite tendencies, citing my refusal to own a "smart" phone as the primary problem. Apparently, I have angered the flock, because I won't take photos dripping with extreme narcissism, seek peer approval by "following" others, stagger aro
Rockbottum Philosophy

Our Most Important Film Ever

A few days ago, I slipped into a Mom and Pop coffee shop for a latte' and a blueberry scone.  (Ordinarily I'm not allowed to eat flour, but my handler was distracted by scented candles and Christmas lights.) The place was packed, full of people jammed next to each other, mesmerized by smartphones, tablets, and laptops; not a single soul looked up and took notice of me.   I could have been Genghis Khan on a zebra and only the barista would have noticed. Taking my coffee out onto the sid
Rockbottum Philosophy

Mental Toughness in the Heat

Every few years, it gets hot.  This thrills the mass media because it allows them to pound the fear drums and increase their ratings.  So, whenever it gets warm outside, we release a training film full of helpful tips designed to strengthen mental toughness in the heat.  As a bonus, here is a column from ten years ago, explaining our most valuable strategy for dealing with the heat: The 100 Days of Hell Actually, it's more like 120 days for those of us trapped on a bentgrass plantation
Rockbottum Philosophy

Know These New Rules for 2023

Recently, Fester N. Boyle, our Club President, and our Head Pro Hugh Jass Bedendorfer, withdrew Rockbottum CC from USGA membership and joined the PGHA, or "Progressive Golf Handicap Association."  The PGHA has designed friendlier, more progressive golf rules to help equitably grow the game, as opposed to the hidebound, stuffy old USGA/RAA rules.  They have also included rules to help guide the Golf Course Superintendent toward a more inclusive and safe golf course environment. Fester and Hu
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