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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Rockbottum Philosophy

Poisoned by Too Much Screen Time? Enter the UNSOCIAL MEDIA AWARDS

This week's guest author is Ludell Hogwaller. My name is Ludell and I suffer from TMST. Last week, I was the guest of honor at an exorcism, carried out by the Rockbottum elite, Chet Lester, Ydnar, Aint Feemy and Bubba.  They intended to excise my Luddite tendencies, citing my refusal to own a "smart" phone as the primary problem. Apparently, I have angered the flock, because I won't take photos dripping with extreme narcissism, seek peer approval by "following" others, stagger aro
Rockbottum Philosophy

Chasing Rivermont

'Chasing Rivermont' is a Rockbottum film series about a country club near Atlanta with a practical, comprehensive plan for facing the future of golf. Chris Cupit, Owner/GM of Rivermont, grew up in the golf industry, thoroughly grounded in realistic golf management.  Cupit is not one of the wild-eyed money people that burst into golf during the artificial growth spurt triggered by a foundation.  He is very aware of the difference between the game of golf and the corporatocracy of golf.
Rockbottum Philosophy

Are You Using Filters?

A few days ago, I discovered people have been using digital filters to enhance their online appearance and dating marketability.  This is pure deception, as some of these filters are capable of structural alteration, moving facial bones around like some kind of tikkity-tok plastic surgeon. Online filters remind me of something that happened decades ago, during my first tour as an assistant superintendent.  We were in an inflationary economic cycle and it was fiscally necessary to have a roo
Rockbottum Philosophy

Mental Toughness in the Heat

Every few years, it gets hot.  This thrills the mass media because it allows them to pound the fear drums and increase their ratings.  So, whenever it gets warm outside, we release a training film full of helpful tips designed to strengthen mental toughness in the heat.  As a bonus, here is a column from ten years ago, explaining our most valuable strategy for dealing with the heat: The 100 Days of Hell Actually, it's more like 120 days for those of us trapped on a bentgrass plantation
Rockbottum Philosophy

Find Work/Life Balance

In this rather insensitive film, Momma crashes her bike, Buddy reveals his true name and the secret of his success, Tiffany tells a horror story, Bodell and Jimmy Cole explain why they jumped off the assistant superintendent ladder and Willy details how the Wilsons survived decades of pressure golf through existential mountain biking. Learn how you too can ride the mountain bike to attain improved mental stability, physical wonderfulness and at the same time, attract assistant superintenden
Rockbottum Philosophy

Know These New Rules for 2023

Recently, Fester N. Boyle, our Club President, and our Head Pro Hugh Jass Bedendorfer, withdrew Rockbottum CC from USGA membership and joined the PGHA, or "Progressive Golf Handicap Association."  The PGHA has designed friendlier, more progressive golf rules to help equitably grow the game, as opposed to the hidebound, stuffy old USGA/RAA rules.  They have also included rules to help guide the Golf Course Superintendent toward a more inclusive and safe golf course environment. Fester and Hu
Rockbottum Philosophy

Techno-Phobia, Back From The Digital Grave

Because a great many TurfNet villagers have never seen "Techno-Phobia", we gave a wad of money to a techno-shaman to resurrect a dead hard drive containing the film.  Dating back to 2006, Techno-Phobia is a collection of harsh predictions for the golf industry that have since come true. We re-released it for several reasons, the first being our reply to golf industry writers--with no experience as superintendents--who doggedly preach the glorious future of tech while simultaneously attempti
Rockbottum Philosophy

Here It Comes

It almost feels like we are just sitting quietly while AI takes over our turf careers.  AI promises to help us work, but what if it intends to render us obsolete?  Shouldn't we at least offer some resistance? Contrary to popular narratives, Rockbottum Science states "AI does not think for itself, it's merely an improved algorithm."  If AI could actually think, we'd already be dead.  My Dad dealt with first generation AI, (Adolescent Imbeciles) and AI golf course personnel management was jus
Rockbottum Philosophy

Our Most Important Film Ever

A few days ago, I slipped into a Mom and Pop coffee shop for a latte' and a blueberry scone.  (Ordinarily I'm not allowed to eat flour, but my handler was distracted by scented candles and Christmas lights.) The place was packed, full of people jammed next to each other, mesmerized by smartphones, tablets, and laptops; not a single soul looked up and took notice of me.   I could have been Genghis Khan on a zebra and only the barista would have noticed. Taking my coffee out onto the sid
Rockbottum Philosophy

Heatherns At The Gate

Do you secretly watch Rockbottum CC, the longest running webisode on the entire internet?  You're not alone.  If you're new here, try to follow these rules and your job will be safe:  Never admit you watch, even to your most trusted associates.  Don't admit actually  knowing anyone from Rockbottum . . . and never, ever say anything in the comment section.        Now watch this film or I'll tell Momma.             
Rockbottum Philosophy

Rockbottum Radio: We Tried to Warn Us!

In this episode, RW gets tangled up in AI when he tries to use Chat-GBB to write the radio show and that failure results in a spirited rant aimed at those we entrusted with getting out the water conservation message. Just as the way forward is revealed, Count Noomskool of the World Globalar Golf Forum arrives and waves huge sums of money at Momma, in order to subjugate Rockbottum CC's verboten individualist attitude. (This podcast has been archived. Please contact us if you'd like to l
Rockbottum Philosophy

The Positive/Negative GCS Ratio

The owner of Rockbottum CC, Ludella Hogwaller, AKA "Momma",  is always stressing the importance of a positive attitude, a positive work environment and presenting the golfer with a positive golf course.  She even has algae-rhythm formulas to determine if the staff is positive or negative. Momma says two negatives can make a positive.  She proved this by changing Ben, our mean and surly golf course dog, from a negative ratio into a positive.  Momma had Ben's two negatives removed and he beca
Rockbottum Philosophy

Take The Official Golf Aptitude Test

Are you sure you're working in the right job?  Take the Official Rockbottum CC Aptitude Test and find out exactly where you belong in the golf industry. Scenario #1    You are repairing an irrigation break in the middle of the fairway on a crowded Friday afternoon in the heat of August.  Several greens are burning.  Golfers repeatedly demand that you move, as you are in great danger.  Do you:    A. Move to the left rough and cower behind a tree. B. Fearlessly remain in the center of
Rockbottum Philosophy

The Chill Watch

Thanks to modern wearable technology, it's possible for the average technoid to quickly identify and nullify harmful stress triggers. Just cleverly mate an advanced wristwatch with your hand computer and reap the benefits!  For more info, watch the following short film.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

Can We Stop . . . "THEM?"

This year's Halloween film is Can We Stop . . . "THEM?" Last year's film, "In The Back Of The Night"  was deemed too scary for normal golf folk, so we toned it down to just mildly terrifying this year. NOTE:  Ludell, as presented here, is not real.  He is AI, which is part of the message of the film.  
Rockbottum Philosophy

When That Day Comes

There are subtle clues that surface when one is nearing a career shift or even retirement phase.  These clues, often manifested by certain actions or statements normally suppressed during peak career, can become visible during what Rockbottum CC scholars call "Too Much Time In The Saddle".  Here are a few examples*, along with a short training film, circa 2016. Fester N. Boyle, Green Chairman, approaches while you are hastily repairing a giant irrigation break and says, "Willy, you're almos
Rockbottum Philosophy

Backyard Bentgrass

In the "And Now For Something Completely Different" category--because it's unhealthy to obsess on the digital hysteria currently being poured into our skulls--here is some comedy.  We went deep into the Rockbottum Vault and extracted a film that we've kept hidden for many years.  If you are unable to laugh at this, you don't need a doctor, just delete Tikkity-Tok, Space-Book, Tweety, and stop carrying that phone around like it's some kind of life support system.    
Rockbottum Philosophy

Campfire Coffee and American Cupcakes

In this short film, RW explains how not to make an American cupcake and offers up a recitation from Old Uncle Lladnar.   As weakness continues to spread across the land,  we hold to our position of strength, remaining firmly grounded in our Rockbottum Philosophy, "Read a book, not a screen." If you don't have an actual book at hand, we suggest visiting Rockbottumfilms at the link to the right.  Our current best seller is  "Lost Hound of Raven Gap" an adventure set in the mountains of N
Rockbottum Philosophy

Get The Happy Prescription

At Rockbottum CC, we have been hopelessly addicted to opiates of the endorphin variety for decades. * See the Rockbottum Blog post "Exercise, Brain Function and Depression" column and attached films dated August of 2019 for actual science talk. Endorphins, generated by the brain, are the safest, most effective mood enhancement drugs available, although there are certain corporations that would prefer you did not know that.  In the past, these companies were successful at suppressing the use
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