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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Rockbottum Philosophy

Poisoned by Too Much Screen Time? Enter the UNSOCIAL MEDIA AWARDS

This week's guest author is Ludell Hogwaller. My name is Ludell and I suffer from TMST. Last week, I was the guest of honor at an exorcism, carried out by the Rockbottum elite, Chet Lester, Ydnar, Aint Feemy and Bubba.  They intended to excise my Luddite tendencies, citing my refusal to own a "smart" phone as the primary problem. Apparently, I have angered the flock, because I won't take photos dripping with extreme narcissism, seek peer approval by "following" others, stagger aro
Rockbottum Philosophy

Chasing Rivermont

'Chasing Rivermont' is a Rockbottum film series about a country club near Atlanta with a practical, comprehensive plan for facing the future of golf. Chris Cupit, Owner/GM of Rivermont, grew up in the golf industry, thoroughly grounded in realistic golf management.  Cupit is not one of the wild-eyed money people that burst into golf during the artificial growth spurt triggered by a foundation.  He is very aware of the difference between the game of golf and the corporatocracy of golf.
Rockbottum Philosophy

Are You Using Filters?

A few days ago, I discovered people have been using digital filters to enhance their online appearance and dating marketability.  This is pure deception, as some of these filters are capable of structural alteration, moving facial bones around like some kind of tikkity-tok plastic surgeon. Online filters remind me of something that happened decades ago, during my first tour as an assistant superintendent.  We were in an inflationary economic cycle and it was fiscally necessary to have a roo
Rockbottum Philosophy

Mental Toughness in the Heat

Every few years, it gets hot.  This thrills the mass media because it allows them to pound the fear drums and increase their ratings.  So, whenever it gets warm outside, we release a training film full of helpful tips designed to strengthen mental toughness in the heat.  As a bonus, here is a column from ten years ago, explaining our most valuable strategy for dealing with the heat: The 100 Days of Hell Actually, it's more like 120 days for those of us trapped on a bentgrass plantation
Rockbottum Philosophy

Find Work/Life Balance

In this rather insensitive film, Momma crashes her bike, Buddy reveals his true name and the secret of his success, Tiffany tells a horror story, Bodell and Jimmy Cole explain why they jumped off the assistant superintendent ladder and Willy details how the Wilsons survived decades of pressure golf through existential mountain biking. Learn how you too can ride the mountain bike to attain improved mental stability, physical wonderfulness and at the same time, attract assistant superintenden
Rockbottum Philosophy

Interviewing The Prospective Employee

In this episode, I reveal the most important strategy for hiring new staff members.  I learned this from watching my Dad as he managed employees on 17 golf courses over several decades.  According to family lore, I got Dad fired at least twice, but I refuse to take responsibility. If Dad had conducted more thorough background checks and called for references, he could have avoided losing those jobs.    
Rockbottum Philosophy

Know These New Rules for 2023

Recently, Fester N. Boyle, our Club President, and our Head Pro Hugh Jass Bedendorfer, withdrew Rockbottum CC from USGA membership and joined the PGHA, or "Progressive Golf Handicap Association."  The PGHA has designed friendlier, more progressive golf rules to help equitably grow the game, as opposed to the hidebound, stuffy old USGA/RAA rules.  They have also included rules to help guide the Golf Course Superintendent toward a more inclusive and safe golf course environment. Fester and Hu
Rockbottum Philosophy

Techno-Phobia, Back From The Digital Grave

Because a great many TurfNet villagers have never seen "Techno-Phobia", we gave a wad of money to a techno-shaman to resurrect a dead hard drive containing the film.  Dating back to 2006, Techno-Phobia is a collection of harsh predictions for the golf industry that have since come true. We re-released it for several reasons, the first being our reply to golf industry writers--with no experience as superintendents--who doggedly preach the glorious future of tech while simultaneously attempti
Rockbottum Philosophy

Here It Comes

It almost feels like we are just sitting quietly while AI takes over our turf careers.  AI promises to help us work, but what if it intends to render us obsolete?  Shouldn't we at least offer some resistance? Contrary to popular narratives, Rockbottum Science states "AI does not think for itself, it's merely an improved algorithm."  If AI could actually think, we'd already be dead.  My Dad dealt with first generation AI, (Adolescent Imbeciles) and AI golf course personnel management was jus
Rockbottum Philosophy

Our Most Important Film Ever

A few days ago, I slipped into a Mom and Pop coffee shop for a latte' and a blueberry scone.  (Ordinarily I'm not allowed to eat flour, but my handler was distracted by scented candles and Christmas lights.) The place was packed, full of people jammed next to each other, mesmerized by smartphones, tablets, and laptops; not a single soul looked up and took notice of me.   I could have been Genghis Khan on a zebra and only the barista would have noticed. Taking my coffee out onto the sid
Rockbottum Philosophy

Heatherns At The Gate

Do you secretly watch Rockbottum CC, the longest running webisode on the entire internet?  You're not alone.  If you're new here, try to follow these rules and your job will be safe:  Never admit you watch, even to your most trusted associates.  Don't admit actually  knowing anyone from Rockbottum . . . and never, ever say anything in the comment section.        Now watch this film or I'll tell Momma.             
Rockbottum Philosophy

Avoiding GCS Extinction

"We have to face the possibility that unless we do something soon, we are near the end."    Geoffrey Hinton, Godfather of AI The golf course workforce dilemma will eventually lead to robotic crews and the blind acceptance of Artificial Intelligence.  It's okay, though, because after all, it's only the crew workers that will lose their jobs, right?  It won't happen to us, the middle and upper management of golf, unless Dario Amodel is correct.  He's the CEO of Anthropic who said, "Half of wh
Rockbottum Philosophy

Rockbottum Radio: We Tried to Warn Us!

In this episode, RW gets tangled up in AI when he tries to use Chat-GBB to write the radio show and that failure results in a spirited rant aimed at those we entrusted with getting out the water conservation message. Just as the way forward is revealed, Count Noomskool of the World Globalar Golf Forum arrives and waves huge sums of money at Momma, in order to subjugate Rockbottum CC's verboten individualist attitude. (This podcast has been archived. Please contact us if you'd like to l
Rockbottum Philosophy

The Positive/Negative GCS Ratio

The owner of Rockbottum CC, Ludella Hogwaller, AKA "Momma",  is always stressing the importance of a positive attitude, a positive work environment and presenting the golfer with a positive golf course.  She even has algae-rhythm formulas to determine if the staff is positive or negative. Momma says two negatives can make a positive.  She proved this by changing Ben, our mean and surly golf course dog, from a negative ratio into a positive.  Momma had Ben's two negatives removed and he beca
Rockbottum Philosophy

Take The Official Golf Aptitude Test

Are you sure you're working in the right job?  Take the Official Rockbottum CC Aptitude Test and find out exactly where you belong in the golf industry. Scenario #1    You are repairing an irrigation break in the middle of the fairway on a crowded Friday afternoon in the heat of August.  Several greens are burning.  Golfers repeatedly demand that you move, as you are in great danger.  Do you:    A. Move to the left rough and cower behind a tree. B. Fearlessly remain in the center of
Rockbottum Philosophy

Mood Boosters

Modern life is fast and complex, often altering our moods with minimal inputs.  Simply glancing at a screen or overhearing snippets of a conversation can put an instant negative spin on our day. At Rockbottum CC, we practice armoring our moods with non-invasive positivity.  Here are the Top 3 Mood Boosters we implement almost every day.  (You can't get a prescription for any of these.)      
Rockbottum Philosophy

Another Rockbottum Prediction Comes True

Just over 11 years ago, this short film from Rockbottum CC suggested someone would eventually make an attempt at "Certification of Crew Workers". Let's see . . . 10,000 courses X 5 crew workers= 50,000 X $370=A Bazillion + a membership fee X 50,000 and a few trips to the big convention, hotels, per diem.  I think Buddy was on to something. They might have to change convention locations to handle the larger numbers.  I would suggest Burning Man, but there's no signage or irrigation and
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