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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Uncle Virgil and The Abomination

Uncle Virgil was killed by a golf abomination.  A team of doctors were stymied by his mysterious illness, yet our family knew exactly what happened:  Uncle Virgil, partnered with Norm, had racked up 30 straight losses versus Mike and Randy in the annual Wilson Thanksgiving Golf Ritual, "The Great Gopher Feast of Gluttony and Boasting Tournament".   It was just too much for him.  Of Dad's seven brothers--three in golf, two in bowling and the others in useless, non-essential work like business--
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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Unconventional Is An Insult?

In this week's film, "Tea and Biscuits with Berkeley", we check in with Mark Hoban and the progress of his various unconventional projects.   On a related note, a recent email suggested I was "unconventional".  I was happily composing a thank-you note in reply when Momma pointed out it was intended as an insult and therefore required a duel, or possibly even a feud.  (As a Southerner, I am familiar with the rules of both, so I chose 8oz gloves--but my challenger has not replied.)   I wasn't
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

1

Nicklaus Was Right

Jack Nicklaus offered golf the most logical, realistic and achievable strategy for the future of the game and golf "experts" pooh-poohed it.   Instead of Jack's sensible concept, today we have turf skateboards, gyro-balanced scooters, commode-sized putting cups, golf-themed singles bars/driving ranges, hybridized soccer-golf and big-budget recruitment programs that probably benefit ad agencies more than golf.   The result:  A splintered approach that leaves actual golf in fragments, with clu
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

7

The Greatest Winter Project Ever!

Every 35 years or so, I get a brilliant idea. (The last one was joining the US Army.)   My current brain-quake is still smoldering and forming, but here's a teaser of what might turn out to be the Greatest Golf Course Winter Project since we built our first barn Turf Care Center and came in out of the cold.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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The Hoban Report: Dead Bent Greens?

While preparing to shoot our summer update on Mark Hoban's Golf Science Projects, wild rumors of dead bentgrass at Rivermont swept through Rockbottum Headquarters.   We immediately rushed to Atlanta to shoot the following Emergency Hoban Report.      
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Fixin' Golf

The only way to fix golf now is to return to the days of the REAL golfer.  But who is the REAL golfer? Where do they come from?     REAL golfers don't kick big balls into giant holes while riding skateboards.  They don't pay a green fee just to drink beer with their buddies and hoss a tiny car around a grassy theme park without fear of DUI roadblocks.  They will not divert their golf budget away from actually playing golf to a hybrid driving range/bar/bowling alley/carnival.   The REAL golfe
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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How We Worked Golf In 1970

In the spring of '70, Norm, my pro golfer/supt father, was hired to operate, renovate and resuscitate a little 9-hole CC in Covington, Tennessee.  This was before we discovered the small town, pseudo-country club business plan known as Hire In Spring--Fire Immediately After New Year's Party.  (This happened four times before Dad caught on and switched to full-time superintendent, a process that required a difficult exorcism to remove golf pro thinking.)           When we arrived at CCC, we p
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

14

Brian Stiehler and The Farm

Come along as we visit with Brian Stiehler, CGCS at Highlands Country Club in Highlands, North Carolina.   Brian shows us "The Farm", a very special garden he designed, built and maintains for the club.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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Un-PC Stuff Ludell Says

At Rockbottum CC, we are forced to endlessly crank out short films and columns where we say stuff we aren't supposed to say and try to hide it in comedy, sarcasm and brilliant intellectual wittiness.  (One out of three.)   It would be a lot easier if the average TurfNettian was aware of how difficult this job is... sort of like your job would be easier if the members knew what was involved.  We don't simply crank out a column or shoot a quick video and spend the rest of the week at the yacht c
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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GOLF IN 2044--PART SIX

continued from...   Wen studied the people being herded through the course like cattle and for the first time, he became aware of the uncomfortable sense of being constantly observed.  He felt like . . . a kind of golf lab animal, watched by cameras, computers and--Nanel Bree of the Corporate Golf Secret Police. "What do I do now, Grandpa?" Wen contemplated. "Boy, when you're riding something and you tell it to 'whoa' and it don't whoa, sooner or later, it's gonna kill you."                
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

GOLF IN 2044--PART FIVE

continued from...   Settled in front of the wall screen in the maintenance office, Wen glanced outside for a moment.  Judd was toting his clubs, headed out to play with his buddies, and Kelly was watching a remote screen on her truck, making sure the retriever didn't run over some hapless golfer.   Wen reached for the keyboard and disengaged his system from the Corporate Net.  Next, he silenced the ever-present computer voice and brought up surveillance data from the previous night, the cam
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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GOLF IN 2044--PART FOUR

continued from...   Judd looked down at the headsets resting on the GV seat and noticed the monitor diodes were off.  "Do something good instead of living off the corporate golf harlot." "Like what, Judd?" Kelly said, her voice lowering to a whisper. "You could join GOOG."   "Join what?" Wen dropped his feet to the GV floor and leaned forward.  "Are you in GOOG?" Kelly was aghast. "Are you really?" "What's GOOG?" Wen demanded. "Golf Only On Grass," Judd answered.  "An organization dedic
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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GOLF IN 2044--PART THREE

continued from...   Wen decided to make the big move.  "Sir, if you remember, we talked about my transfer to a natural grass course last year, and I've fulfilled all of the requirements."   Tai smiled and leaned closer.  "Wen, there are less than a thousand grass courses left on this continent and we only own a few of those.  The majority of those relics are classics, protected by historic preservation status because they were built by the old master architects.  It takes a special kind of .
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

GOLF IN 2044 -- PART TWO

Continued from...   Entering the shop, Wen ran straight for the tool room and began rummaging around for something that might help.  He was on the verge of asking the computer's opinion when a picture of his grandfather entered his mind.  Grandpa Bolton was a golf course superintendent back before the turn of the century, back when things were simpler, freer, and more fun.  "What would Grandpa do in this situation?"   "Use a bigger hammer, boy."   Wen grabbed a sledge hammer.     The w
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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Golf In 2044

The following short story first appeared in the July, 2004 edition of SuperNews as "Blade Runner".  (My choice was Golf In 2044, but magazine editors will not be denied.)  It is a fictional piece dealing with one version* of how Golf could turn out.    This is part of our current emphasis at Rockbottum CC on the future of golf, the economics of golf, the environmental aspects involved in actual operations as well as public image, GCS fitness and family time.  Future, Fitness, Fungicides, Famil
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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Worst GCS Mistake I Ever Made

At the top of my list of golf course mistakes is one of those glaring errors that never seems to fade, but grows heavier and meaner with the passage of time.        
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

7

Fixated on The Future of Golf at Rockbottum CC

The internet, pronounced: Inner-nayut hereabouts, has had a serious impact on golf, triggering a fearsome fixation on futurism around the woodstove in our barn Turf Care Center.   The Net (and the voices in my head) have been asking me:  What do we do?  Who are our customers?  What will Rockbottum CC be like in 30 years when I retire?   Golf has rapidly morphtastisized over the last 20 years, not just in the way the game is played, but how our product is brought to market.  As an industry, w
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Where Are They Now?

Find out where Tiffany, Bodell and the other inhabitants of Rockbottum CC are today.   Watch this short film and learn the truth!  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

5

YooHoo! Paging Eric Johnson and Mike Davis!

I cannot wait to watch the US Open at Chambers Bay.  I haven't been there, but I've seen the photos and my desire to play golf there borders on lust.  (Actual golf with shaped creative shots, not the mortar-launched version of lawn darts currently living on my TV.)   The USGA is to be commended for selecting Chambers Bay.  I had completely stopped watching the US Open years ago, due to the boredom of sling-blade wedge shots out of thick, deep steel wool and fairways resembling subway tunnels.
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

I've Been Conspiracized

A struggle for power has been going on behind the scenes at TurfNet TV.  It involves Kevin Ross, men wearing skirts, Hector, a warehouse full of popcorn from the Truman era and a plot against . . . me.    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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