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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Billy Jack is Dead

A few days ago, my aging dumb-phone was overwhelmed with a barrage of text messages, all worded the same:  Billy Jack is Dead.   There are quite a few folks aware that the character of Billy Jack was my hero and role model and they wanted to sympathize with me.  Joe, my best buddy from high school, (Known as Jo-dell in Rockbottum Land) assured me he was handling the news in an honorable way, by wearing a black tee shirt, blue jean jacket and walking smartly around the house singing "One Tin So
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

3

Has The Lust For Hi-Tech Injured Golf?

The Powers-That-Be in Golf do not want you to see this video.   We stumbled across this film while preparing to celebrate the anniversary of the date TurfNet first told us to shoot a video.  The date was 15 December, 2005, and the video was Golf Car Control.   That first short film ended up getting over 100,000 hits and without thinking clearly, TurfNet asked for more.   The video you are about to see followed Golf Car Control, but was quickly suppressed and buried deep in the vault, due t
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

The Night Belongs to Charlie

Momma has a standard method for dealing with NTV events.  (Nocturnal Teenage Vandalism)   I've never figured out how her method works, but I do know it dates back to her military service.   Momma was in one of those PSYWAR/PSYOP units and refuses to do things in a direct manner.    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Rockbottum Training Videos Rise Again

A few months ago, our training videos suffered a drastic drop in sales.  We quickly determined the cause to be that McCord fellow's golf-specific safety training videos.     He has usurped our share of the market at the top of the training video world, so, in true info-mercial form, we are retaliating with a veritable blizzard of marketing, propaganda and borderline untruths.       
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Banned Rockbottum Film Resurfaces!

"Too Many Hats", the video once ordered destroyed and later banished to gather dust in the Rockbottum CC vault, has returned for a short run.   For our Holiday Feature Film Fest, we salvaged what was left of "Too Many Hats"* and now offer it to you for entertainment while you feast on a turkey deep-fried in a trash can full of boiling oil.   "Too Many Hats" guest stars Peter, Jon Kiger, John Reitman, Dr. Nilknarf, Buddy, Esmarelda, Anthony Williams, Mike Mendias, Momma, Johnny Merrick, a fly
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Random Bursts of Rockbottum Logic

While it is easy for the international Golf Course Superintendent Community to get the wrong impression of Rockbottum CC, we strive to present an accurate image of our golf course, our personnel and our philosophy of golf course operations.   Our reputation as Ivy League intellectuals dabbling in daily fee golf merely to produce entertainment is a fallacy.  We are not just producing entertainment.   We are a literal treasure trove of brilliant minds, a conflagration of golf philosophers, sav
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Digital or Vinyl? Frigid or Warm?

Ludell Hogwaller is this week's guest commentator.   When a skirmish breaks out like the one on the TurfNet Forum concerning the audio validity of analogic vinyl music in relations with digitized recorded media, I have to jump in with both achilles heels.   I can easily comprehend folks falsely claiming that friction driven gang mowers are obsolete or debating as to whether the Night Waterman will ever be a viable career, but I cannot sit idly by and listen to vinyl music suffer slander at t
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

5

Does Shade Tolerant Bermuda Exist?

As a GCS, I dealt with many of the same challenges that the modern superintendent handles on a daily basis:  Disease pressure, irrigation breaks on Friday afternoon, other courses stealing my equipment tech and members suffering from Augusta Syndrome well into October.   But the one thing that beat me was shade.   I could grow bent in the shade, and fescue and St. Augustine and Centipede, but I was never able to grow good bermuda in shade.  I removed a great deal of golf course shade, often
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Fixin' Golf--Tactic #22: SPEEDY GOLF

Walter Hayduke, the newly elected Green Chair at Rockbottum CC, returned from the TurfNet Bandon Dunes Trip, convinced he had witnessed the future of golf.   Walter was so enthused by what he saw at Bandon, he became a Speedy Golf Evangelist and rewrote the Rules of Golf and the Rockbottum CC Employee handbook on the bus ride home.   Speedy Golf is now mandatory for all Rockbottum employees and Ludell was forced to produce the following training video explaining how golf can now be properly
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Rockbottum News Headlines: Stop Ash Boring!

In this week's news show, the Rockbottum CC expert news analysts have issued a warning for Ash Borers and golf management company CEOs with quirky ideas:   Stop.   Buddy returns, we put forth a Rockbottum Apology for twisting important name pronunciation and also included in this week's segment . . .   The Brilliantest TurfNet Forum Quote of the Week and another gem from SuperProblems on Twitter.
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

October News, Tips and Email

Even though Buddy disappeared while on Night Waterman duty* and hasn't been seen in weeks, Rockbottum CC remains on top of the looming water issue with news and irrigation tips.   *Note:  Our upcoming Halloween segment will reveal what happened to Buddy in lurid detail.    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

5

The Rockbottum News Show

In an attempt to comply with viewer demand, Rockbottum CC will now produce an occasional news show, full of timely information and serious analysis.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Matt Crowther's Fantasy Vacation at Rockbottum CC

Matt Crowther, CGCS, a TurfNetter of great power, prestige and influence, took a recent vacation to Rockbottum CC.   Matt not only discovered how to relieve the stress from a tough summer, he also gained valuable insights into southern golf operations, skeletal greenkeeping and the meaning of life.   Oh, and he left without his luggage, so if anybody knows his whereabouts, let us know--he won't answer our calls.
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

5

Firmnicity

Firmnicity is the science of measuring firmness in order to attain a number that allows the golfer to compare his firmness against others.   This is not a new science, it has been used to assess baseball fields, mattresses, surgical augmentation and a quality of life somehow related to sitting in separate bathtubs while watching a sunset.   Be careful with the numbers in this area.  As is the case in DeathMeter stats, the golfer may demand a particular number, but not actually want to play t
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Things That Chap My Hide

Although the inhabitants of Rockbottum seethe with cool sophistication and exude an urbane, erudite image, we have our less genteel side.   We must confess, there are things in golf that irritate us.    We thought it would be good to cathartize exacerbate exorcise ourselves and get a few of these things off our chest.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

A Big Huge Announcement From Rockbottum CC

It's almost Autumn.  My career as a "Bad Golf Course Fixer" would not have been possible without the existence of Homelite, Jonsered, Sachs-Dolmar, several Husky 268s . . . and Autumn.   In late summer, I always had a tendency to dance around like a madman released early from the asylum, in anticipation of the real work:  Surgical removal of turf-strangling, golf-suppressing large woody vertical golf hazards.   Success in this area requires preparation, before the leaves fall.  Covert markin
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

BucketBall

One of the advantages of having Multiple Personality Disorder is the ability to look at things from different angles.  Currently, the "Mad Golf Prophet" has control and he just won't shut up about the potential weather extremes.   In order to survive weather patterns that go on and on and on, the "Mad Golf Prophet" recommends indoor activities for the crew.  These may include sanding, painting and 'helping' the equipment manager.   Not all of these activities should be work related.  When ca
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Our Balls Aren't Fun Anymore

In the final attempt to 'Fix Golf' before we grow it, the most important message to ever emerge from Rockbottum CC is presented in the following Commentary . . . Rant . . . Wild-Eyed Tirade.   Unlike most offerings from Rockbottum, this message is not a subliminal point wrapped in diversionary goofiness, this is serious material.   Although the script for 'Our Balls' has been ready for months, we waited until after The PGA Championship to release it.  The reason:  While the tournament was an
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

The Green Chairman's Horse

Based on a true story pulled from the 'Greenkeeper Tales' collection, Rockbottum CC Television presents a film packed with drama, intrigue and embarrassing Southern family lore.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

URGENT MESSAGE FOR ADAM HERTZOG AT GOLF CHANNEL!

The following Rockbottum CC Commentary contains an URGENT MESSAGE for Adam Hertzog, the producer who recently escaped from ESPN and has now been ordained as a VP at The Golf Channel.    Okay, maybe it's not really all that urgent, but it does include a suggestion that will help us all . . . or maybe just those of us who watch golf on TV.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

The Secret of The Twiffer

Once upon a time, there was a strangeness that crept into golf course land.     No, this isn't the story about the olden times when the club pro was paid more than the GCS, that wasn't strange, that was just crazy.   This particular strangeness happened not long ago and somebody at Rockbottum CC might have been neck-deep in the whole mess . . .    Watch this short film if you want to understand The Twiffer.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

A Typical Day At Rockbottum CC

Can you you handle the pressure of managing a golf course through a difficult summer?  Learn how it's done from hardened veterans of several decades of Deep South summer campaigns.   At Rockbottum Country Club, we know precisely when to go deep and infrequent, because we learned the concept on pushup clay bent in temps of 100+, while experts with no actual GCS experience told us to dry 'em out.   "...because we learned the concept on pushup clay bent in temps of 100+, while experts with no
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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