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About this blog

Randy and the gang at Rockbottum Country Club pontificate on Rockbottum wisdom and skeletal golf, among other madness.

Entries in this blog

Old Roy's Halloween Story

I was working on a piece about how modern country club boards resemble the leadership of Rome in their last days—you know, lounging about in togas, unaware of the reality building outside the wall—when I remembered it was almost Halloween.  So, from deep in the Rockbottum vault, a previously unreleased Halloween story:  Way back in ’73, on a cold afternoon in late October, I was splitting a mountain of firewood with Old Roy—not to be confused with just plain Roy, the AM radio preacher—and w
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Rockbottum Radio: The Empire's CEO Makes How Much??

In this episode of Rockbottum Radio -- rated IM for Immature Audiences Only -- the Pro shop gets raided by the Empire's Praetorian Guard, Willy visits with Buddy at the Turf Care shop, and Momma takes the gang to the feed store, leaving Old Booferd in charge of the golf course... and Momma's good Scotch. Presented by VinylGuard Golf.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

A Message For Golf From A Last Wave Millennial

A Last Wave Millennial gives a quick analysis of modern golf and answers The Big Question.  You know, the one that upper management and golf writers and green chairs and turf school brass and association bigwigs ask every night, after dessert and before cigars and brandy?    
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

6

Retro-ism: An Experiment in Sustainable Golf Ops

After several years of toiling on bentgrass plantations in Hotlanta, enduring ever increasing grooming standards and shrinking HOC on fairways, greens and tees, I decided what I was doing was unsustainable.  That led me to choose a more sustainable path, something I could maintain for the long run, not just a short burst of intense activity. NOTE:  I am using the word “Sustainable” in the sense of an activity that is capable of being sustained, not as a code word for ecological balance.  Mo
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Boombox Golf! Growing The Game!!

Is "Alternative Golf" a shocking de-evolution of the game?  Will the "Grow The Game" evangelists tolerate the growth of blatant golf heresy?  Are the new golf carts equipped with sub-woofers?   https://www.rockbottumfilms.com/
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

The Noise . . . And How To Stop It

Some of us live our lives bathed in noise, against a soundtrack of frenzied, dissonant pandemonium—and not just the kind measured in decibels. The noise ranges from sub-audible frequencies that we can feel, like jet engines, helicopters and car stereos thumping below 20Hz, all the way to ultra-high radio frequencies we need to “connect” with each other. The young are naturally attracted to noise. It’s exciting — the opposite of boring — it’s where things are happening. As a young person, I
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

3

Ydnar's Tales of Golf Course Vengeance

August's Guest Columnist is Ydnar, Randy's dark side Doppelganger with a penchant for payback.   In the olden days, before the cult of Customer Servitude came to power with their warm fuzzy fantasy seminars, customers were dealt with according to their level of honor and integrity.   Then, things changed.  A new CS doctrine emerged, born in a classroom environment, with an eye toward making money off of big corporations for social engineering training sessions.  Over-complexified and h
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Rockbottum Radio: Momma Bans Chaw After the US Open

Broadcasting from our mountain cabin as we take a break from golf for some trout fishing, we sit around the campfire and learn why Momma decided to ban tobacco at Rockbottum CC. (Something terrible happened at the US Open)   Also, Brandy Chablis, noted turf expert, gets nominated for the Angry Elf Trophy, Ludell explains Toxic Masculinities and TurfNet cyclist Ty Magner wins the National Championship.   Presented by VinylGuard Golf.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Do Not Despise The Days of Small Beginnings

A few years ago, at a big golf tournament, I overheard a young man explaining the secret of golf career success to anyone within range, myself included.  "First," he proclaimed loudly, "you must only intern at the top courses, the ones that host majors.  Never accept a job anywhere else--and never work for a superintendent that's not famous." I see what I did wrong. His speech reminded me of something deep in my memory banks, back when I gave notice at a low level Skeletal Golf Course
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Zombie Greens

A short film about Zombie greens and the unintended consequences of one dimensional golf . . .  also contains proof that Rod Serling took over my brain when I was seven years old.   
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Golf Isn't The Only Turf

Golf isn't the only place turf is king.  There are massive sod farms, residential turf, municipal grounds, airfields and sports turf.  There's all that National Park Service turf in our nation's capital that Mike Stachowicz maintains.  Joe Fearn--who writes a very good column for TurfNet--is the turf and grounds czar at Drury University. In the complex modern turf industry, knowledge, multiple skills and specialized training are pretty much mandatory.  While none of these turf disciplines c
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Rockbottum Radio: Rockbottum Common Sense and other good stuff...

In this episode of Rockbottum Radio, Randy explores Skeletal Golf Theory (SGT) and why it's important (think "Contingency Plan"). Also, Rockbottum gets a corporate makeover, the truth about collecting and weighing clippings, and that "new" spray out there. Finally, a consultant story, the winner of the Turpentine Corncob Award, and in Storytime, a tale from the days when golf courses were closed on Mondays. Be sure to check out this jam-packed podcast and catch up with all the lat
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Cosmic Payback or Fudgie Will Get You

What follows is a classic tale of Cosmic Payback, visited upon the truly deserving.  Because my readers are highly educated, I am using the term, Cosmic Payback.  If I was writing for golfers, I would use the easier to understand, "Fudgie will get you." Our story begins with a golfer who was mysteriously inflicted with a demonic obsession to bedevil Winston, a Golf Course Superintendent. Winston is one of the great ones, a hard working, drive-on kind of fellow achieving legendary statu
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Fawlty Meadows Golf Centre

For those too elegant, sophisticated and erudite for Rockbottum CC, we offer "Fawlty Meadows Golf Centre". Starring Basil and Manuel  Randy and Buddy.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Decomplexification: A Skeletal Golf Theory Film

It's growing season and everyone has the throttle rammed to the wall.  This is usually when we produce short goofy films with subliminal messages . . . because there is little time for jocularity. But, as of now, time is critical.  This film, "Decomplexification" is too important to hold until the first hard freeze.  *WARNING!  This film contains CLASSIFIED golf operations material.  Do NOT allow members, clubhouse personnel or architecture forum posters access to this film.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

8

Larry Nelson won the '87 PGA because of... me

It's Storytime.   My personal record for running off golf pros is 13, if you count my getting Dad fired twice.  The first time was an accident, but the second time was more Dad's fault.  He should have run a background check on me.  I hit a real winning streak in my forties, with seven pros abdicating their crown during a ten year period. The one pro I wanted to stay, however, was Larry Nelson and I think he left because of me.  (Actually, Larry was a Pro Golfer, not a golf pro.)  I ha
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

3

Rockbottum Analytica... and a recon to that new pinball golf place

In this episode of Rockbottum Radio, live from somewhere in the TurfNet Zone, the Gang makes a field trip to one of those newfangled bowling alley honky-tonk disco pinball golf places, while attempting to answer the question of how much PGR is required to shrink a green chairman's ego. After a lesson in General George S. Patton tactics, and an interruption from the seniors group playing 2-Man Worst Ball, and before announcing the winner of the Turpentine Corncob Award, the topic of how wres
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Going Muni? Best Gird Thy Loins

I don't know what "Gird Thy Loins" actually means, but I think I read it in an ancient text, the context being "Don your metal jockstrap, lest ye be kicked in the sensitives". It takes a hard individual to work Municipal Golf, (MG) but with sufficient preparation, it can be fun.  I suggest: Gird Thy Loins.  (Steel cup, fire retardant kevlar underwear, etc.) Seek counsel from someone currently in Muni Golf. I spent 15 years working MG and it was great, except for the lo
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

4

Finding The Minimum Wage Crew

Inspired by the recent cacaphonius outcry on the TurfNet Forum regarding the sparsissity of workforce, we have endeavored to reveal where to find the minimum wage crew.  
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Rockbottum Radio: The Milleminal Golfer Study... and more

The Rockbottum Gang goes for ice cream while their Milleminial Golfer Study is revealed. After finding out how to prevent Old Man Smell, listen in on the first ever Rockbottum Board Meeting There's a big accident out on the course... and then in Storytime, Ludell catches RW on tape under the effects of Truth Serum. Presented by VinylGuard Golf.
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

0

Lightning! Lightning! Lightning!

The Mad Golf Prophet (MGP) has just issued a Lightning Warning for the upcoming golf season.  *Note:  This is not a "Lightening" warning, the spelling preferred by heavy internet users, because that would indicate weight reduction or a severe increase in pasty, pale skin . . . like when you go to one of those fashion catwalk things. There is no science to trust behind this prediction, it simply came from a vision the MGP had last night, complete with the whole waking up screaming, running t
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Alert! Golf Course Dogs Are At Risk

The vast Rockbottum CC intel surveillance net has picked up increased anti-golf dog chatter while monitoring golf course board meetings. An informant over at Prissy Drawers Country Club told us that during a recent visit to Rockbottum CC, their Green Chairman, Delbert Spores, had an uncomfortable experience with Chopper, our golf course dog. Delbert said Chopper and friends were appallingly insensitive in their ridicule of his post round Prancersize workout. To learn more, study t
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

2

Top 4 Tips For A Happy Future Golf Career

Here are four bits of intel that you need to know, in order to stay happy and safe during the ongoing transition into the rapidly approaching Techno-Golf Industry of the future.          https://www.rockbottumfilms.com/
Randy Wilson

Randy Wilson

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