In the event you find yourself confined to quarters and have depleted Netflix, Hulu, Roku and Amazon Prime of every single show, film and reality bilge . . . before you are forced to turn to books, try going deep on The Youtube. To save you some time, we here at Rockbottum CC are happy to offer our Top Three Greatest Golf Channels on Youtube. Before we announce the winners, allow us to explain why we are qualified to select the winners.

Rockbottum Country Club, is arguably the Longest Running Webisode (first episode, 2005) on the whole dang internet. Add to that, our incredible intellect and the fact that we have been in commercial TV since 1974... and golf since about 1964*, we sincerely believe we recognize good TV... and golf.  *NOTE: Indicates involuntary indentured servitude.

Rockbottum Films has racked up many awards, as well as an impressive number of death threats. We’re the ones who coined the phrase Augusta Syndrome (1986) and The Grim Reaper. We also predicted the golf real estate bubble deflation back in ‘98, and in ’73, introduced Chainsaw naming as a diversionary tactic: The first was “Ice Storm” a Homelite XL 12, and later, in ’76, a Jonsered named “Lightnin’”. **

Rockbottum Films has racked up many awards, as well as an impressive number of death threats.

**NOTE: There was never a saw named “Thunder”. That was entirely made up by a some golf writer. No GCS would use "Thunder" as a reason for the disappearance of a tree. I’ve never seen thunder take down a tree, although I have witnessed involuntary bladder release while cowering beneath a pine during a really good storm.

In 2004, we predicted the rise of the Turf Robots. (See SuperNews, Blade Runner series) In '99, we designed and built Rockbottum CC (also known as Morgan Dairy GC), a super minimalist public course brilliantly constructed to withstand an economic downturn while sporting fairways 80 yards wide, less than 20 bunkers and greens up to 14,000 sq. ft. — for $10, walking weekdays. We are responsible for several books, one actually dealing with golf.  The Greens of Wrath was considered extremely funny, but was not well received by golf writers like Klein and Whitten and a few others. We contend that they’re just jealous.

In addition to all that, we found ourselves with a couple of paragraphs in Shackelford’s most important work, The Future of Golf, where we explained the difference between The Girl Next Door Golf Course and the Las Vegas Showgirl Golf Course. One is the kind that will stick with you through the bad times and the other, an artificially augmented and difficult to sustain specimen, will drop you like a hot rock the minute you appear to take a financial stumble. Shackelford’s book deals with the Alphabets in charge of draining the lifeblood from our beloved game, but as it garnered no death threats for us, we just assumed we had failed somehow.

Lastly, we founded MOG, the Mystic Order of Greenkeepers, where we preach Skeletal Golf Theory, a methodology that dates back to the era when golf courses were maintained for affordable playability, not cosmetic curb appeal. There's also that award we hand out from time to time, The Turpentine Corncob Award, but it remains under the radar for reasons of self preservation.

I urge caution when watching this. It's the kind of display of golf suffering that can make the weaker among us wet our pants...

Now that you know who we are and why we are so important, we will offer up our list of Greatest Golf YouTube Channels.

Coming in at #3, The USGA. They have a wealth of classic golf archives, among the best being the 1962 US Open film, Jack Breaks Through. We recommend binge watching this stuff, especially Nicklaus and the record at Baltusrol in ’67. My favorite line is Curt Gowdy commenting on the course being in “immaculate” condition. This will seriously disturb the modern generation, as Baltusrol had several bare spots, slow greens and a shocking lack of “laser stripe mowing lines”. If you want to see the days when golf was fun to watch—and play—check out the USGA’s YouTube library.

The Runner Up for Greatest Golf YouTube Channel, at #2: Fried Eggs Golf, with Randy Smith. This is funny stuff, especially the pro shop scenes. These individuals are so dedicated to golf maintenance that they built a backyard course with little or no experience. They know how to laugh, how to enjoy the game the way it was intended and they know real humor, not this cringey mess so popular with modern media.

At #1, our selection for the Greatest Golf YouTube Channel, and winner of Momma’s Ballistic Frying Pan Trophy, it’s... Mark Crossfield.

Watching Crossfield is one of those pleasant experiences right up there with sitting around a woodstove in the shop on a cold rainy day. Not only does Mark talk swing theory, teach, review clubs, balls and all that other stuff, but he takes us along with him and his posse to play a few holes, often on real golf courses. You know what I mean: Scruffy, less than perfect, real life golf courses... the kind that people play every day, not just once a year.

Here at The Rock, we thoroughly enjoy sitting back and watching Crossfield and his buddies play golf, all while stabbing one another with punches like, “That’s odd, normally your ball will leap out of a water hazard.” It reminds me of playing golf with Dad, my brother and Uncle Virge. Crossfield has been known to open his show from the kitchen, with a gleeful “Mornin’ Ya’ll!” That alone won me over. But my favorite aspect of Crossfield is his lack of pretentious technical golf yammering, the kind we get from those YouTube pros convinced that they are actually essential. I do have trouble with the dialect, mostly because English is my second language. (I was born in Tennessee.)

I do have trouble with the dialect, mostly because English is my second language. (I was born in Tennessee.)

On our favorite Youtube Golf Vid Of All Time, “Wood Golf Driver Tested Against Modern Driver”, Mark and his co-host, Coach Matt Lockey, take turns hitting a persimmon driver while a Trackman spews out telemetry. The persimmon quite literally butchers both of them. They scrape, duck hook, and sky the ball, rarely hitting the virtual fairway and are unable to average carries over 200 yards.

I urge caution when watching this. It's the kind of display of golf suffering that can make the weaker among us wet our pants. I recommend diapers to save on detergent.

With the modern driver, they bash it like Rory, gaining a carry of 50+ yards more, along with a tremendous increase in accuracy. What happens next is why I watch Mark Crossfield. While most, nay, virtually all other YouTubists would have deleted that footage ASAP, Crossfield tells the truth. He admits that there is a huuuuge difference in the skill required and the forgiveness offered by persimmon.

But what sealed the win for us at Rockbottum was Coach Lockey’s comment, (at 17:27) delivered under his breath, but close enough to the mic for all to hear: “Jack’s better than Tiger, isn’t he, really? Whoa, there, I said it.”

So, if we all end up involuntarily incarcerated in our abodes, there’s enough Mark Crossfield video out there to help us get to the other side. It might even help us get over our narrow fixation on turf and actually understand why our customers give us money.

I don’t know what it is, but somehow, when I watch Crossfield, I feel like golf is cool again.