Sometimes in this life we have no choice in the matter. Events occur which upend our lives in such a monumental way that we have no choice but to change direction and begin anew. It could be a climate disaster that destroys your home and surrounding community. It could be the tragic loss of someone you love dearly or an accident that leaves you or someone you love personally injured and forced to relearn the basics of what it means to live on a day to day basis. No matter what the tragedy, you are confronted with the singular choice of having to rebuild your life and start again. 

Then there are the less dramatic events that still force you to start over. Things like job loss, having to move from your community or even the end of a relationship. These events may seem  less dramatic in the grand scheme of things, but they still call into question what you thought was stable and push you to find a way forward. 

When you come up against things like this in your life, they demonstrate in real time that nothing in this life is stable. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but the refrain remains the same…it all comes and goes.

...nothing in this life is stable. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but the refrain remains the same… it all comes and goes. 

It can be helpful early on to practice acceptance. In doing so you confront the reality of impermanence and learn to accept that change is simply part of your life. If you live a life that works against this reality, then you suffer. If you learn to accept that change and impermanence are the way of the universe, then you begin to relax and lean into life with greater ease.

Another thing that you can do is practice letting go. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing practice. You don’t have to wake up tomorrow morning and radically change everything about your life. Instead, it can be helpful to begin to notice the smaller ways you can just let things be. Notice the ways you try to constantly steer the ship and control things around you. Notice the tension this causes within your mind and body. When you can learn to loosen your grip on the smaller things, you are in better shape to respond more skillfully when the inevitable larger life stresses occur. 

So how do you navigate such shifts in your life? When in doubt, begin and end with kindness to self and others. Begin internally and work your way outward. Whether it’s your family, friends or larger community, a little bit of kindness can go a long way. Anyone could be suffering at any given time. When you rush to judgement or form an opinion too quickly, you cut yourself off from possibility. Leading with kindness creates space to more readily find your own start over point. 

When you can learn to loosen your grip on the smaller things, you are in better shape to respond more skillfully when the inevitable larger life stresses occur. 

Noticing these micro shifts in your life begins to show you that, in reality, you are constantly starting over. It can all feel static when you are living your day to day life, but if you step back and observe it from a short distance away, you begin to see that you actually are constantly changing and beginning again. 

Take your career for example:

• You are not the person who started out mowing greens on the weekends or trimming for hours on end. You are not the person who took a chance and went to college for a turf degree. 
• You are not the person who interned, learned how to repair an irrigation leak or ran a crew on the weekend for the first time. 
• You are not the new super who hired your first employee or inversely let the first one go. 

Rather, you are the sum of all those experiences. They have all led you to whatever stage of your career you currently find yourself. They have shaped you, but they don’t define you. At each of these stages, you had to start over. You had to let go of a small piece of who you thought you were and choose to start again. Each day is such an opportunity. Though you might not always be aware of it, you are constantly presented with the opportunity to start again, no matter where you are on the ladder. 

With mindful awareness you can remember that in fact, each moment, each breath holds this gem of an opportunity. No matter how bad things seem or how unsettling a scenario appears, you are there, with your breath as your companion. Breath training and mindful awareness can ensure you remain more even keeled.

If you find yourself in the very difficult aftermath of a tragedy or simply struggling to find a truer version of yourself, remember this simple tool you can use at any moment. Breathe. That’s it. Just breathe. Pause, take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to settle in. Oftentimes the answers to the big questions are hiding in plain sight, and you just need to train yourself to pause long enough for them to be revealed.  

Oftentimes the answers to the big questions are hiding in plain sight, and you just need to train yourself to pause long enough for them to be revealed.  

For many, the idea of starting over can be terrifying. You can question everything and are scared to death of what comes next. If you have opened to the idea that you don’t actually have to have the right answer, you  don’t have to try and control your way out of the situation and you can relax and trust that things will work out then you find that you have more internal space. You are more open to what’s to come because you know that it’s the way life works. 

So in a funny kind of way you do get to choose. Every single time you are confronted with these events that feel thrust upon you, whether large or small, you get to choose how you respond to them. You may go off course more than once, and you may even desperately fall back into your old worn out habits. That’s ok… because in the next moment, you have the same choice. To pause, take a breath and start over again. Hard as it might sound, it really is this simple.

Thanks for reading,
Paul