This week I watched with a combination of fascination and horror as our own Michael Stachowicz continued to navigate the minefield of the post private club blues. If you have not read any of Michael's writing, you should. It's thoughtful, well written and (unfortunately for some) brutally honest. It is basically a post apocalyptic account of working within the political confines of a very stereotypical private golf club in America.

His latest post on a blog he created to promote solidarity with his friends in the trenches blatantly illustrates just how high tensions can run.

"This blog averaged a thousand visitors a month from all around the world...  emails from Australia, Ireland, England, and the States from greenkeepers who sympathized with me, said I struck a chord, or helped them to know that they were not alone in their struggles."

The blog was recently invaded by the very people he was turning the mirror on. The resulting back and forth turned quite nasty and Michael is thinking about removing the blog altogether. Here is a link to a video made by the club members of his former workplace. Be forewarned that although a mock-umentary, it is still offensive. (Country club members miss superintendent so much they made a movie).

Later in the week an incident of a similar, but less inflammatory nature popped up on the TurfNet forum.  Mike Salinetti from Berkshire Hills Country Club located in Pittsfield, MA, was lamenting about one of his members buying his own stimpmeter. While not on the same scale as Michael's issues, it was nonetheless another example of the private club mentality run amuck.

It was one of the responses to Mike's stimpmeter issue that set me to reflecting a bit.

Tony Girardi posted a response which was so full of greenkeeper wisdom that it was flowing out the drain tiles. His basic message was: Choose to let it go. If you decide to make a big deal over the fact that he bought the device, then you are only feeding the beast. Find a way to rise above it by engaging the member and teaching him how to use it properly. Then sit back and have a chuckle about it back in your office with the crew. Treat it as no big deal and the issue may resolve itself.

Tony's response brought me back to a time when I was in Michael's shoes. I had just lost my job and wanted to lash out at those who had wronged me. I had poured my heart and soul into my job, had the support of many within the industry, and then one person came along and undid it all. But the fact was it was not only his behavior that was the problem... it was mine as well. I made the conscious choice to fight this person every step of the way. I reacted to his unreasonableness by putting my foot down and essentially saying "it's my way or the highway!"  My need to be right superseded my good judgment and in the end I paid the price. I was the one who ended up on the highway feeling used and confused and ultimately looking for a new place to work.

We all deal with difficult people on a daily basis. How we choose to respond to them can either diffuse the bomb or set it off. I am not saying that we need to always turn the other cheek.  Sometimes we need to stand up for what is right and call out injustice. Michael is doing a service to us all by bravely baring his soul and shining a light on the dark recesses of the country club culture.

 Sometimes, though, we need to consider our interactions with difficult people as an opportunity.

Michael also wrote: "I got a chance to hold up a mirror to the industry..."

Difficult people give us the chance to make it a two way mirror. They afford us a unique window into our own consciousness, allowing us to examine those parts of ourselves that we see in the difficult person. Oftentimes the things that bug us most about another are the very things that we have a hard time dealing with inside ourselves. They can teach us patience, humility, compassion and give us a rare opportunity to view life from a completely different perspective.

At the end of the day how we choose to react to those who cause trouble in our lives makes all the difference.  Are we adding fuel to the fire by continuing to engage the source of our troubles? Is it our need to be right that becomes the tinder that starts the firestorm? Perhaps we just need to make the choice to step back, evaluate the situation with an open mind, and in the end just let it all go.

As an addendum to this story, just as I was ready to send this post off to press I learned  the unfortunate news that Mike Salinetti from Berkshire Hills Country Club resigned his position as Superintendent due to building pressures from club members.

So, this story is not over. We will chat more about this next week.