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A GCS New Year's Rez That Will Work


Randy Wilson

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Repeat after me, I (your name here) resolve to get rid of that tree (or trees) responsible for the epic all day frost, the weak turf, the surface roots, the buckled path, the increased need for spray apps and the various tree stuff caught in the reels and dragged across the green.

 

That's a pretty attainable New Year's Resolution.  Even if you just get one tree, you win.

 

I know, I've counseled 'Pick Your Battles' for years, but this is one of those line-in-the-sand fights that often determine a superintendent's legacy.

 

I suggest this vow of tree control because it was the basis of my career.  I always seemed to be recruited to really terrible golf courses that had savaged and abused previous superintendents.  When I arrived, the culprit was a tree of idolatry.  

 

This Idola-Tree was usually the subject of fervent worship by Druids (golfers or members belonging to a tree cult) and to even suggest touching the oaken deity evoked a response involving hot tar, feathers and a guillotine in some instances.

I identified the problem as an evil curse...

Not wishing to suffer the same torture as my predecessor, I typically offered a take-it-or-leave-it deal, wherein I identified the problem as an evil curse and I promised to grow grass on the unfortunate greens afflicted with thin, weak turf . . . if only I was given free reign to break the curse.*

 

*Note:  It is important not to speak in scientific terms, as golfers are a primitive, superstitious people and will only respond to things they are capable of understanding.  You must explain the only way to break a putting-surface curse is to sacrifice a tree and they will usually capitulate.

 

I was very successful with this method.  But you must move quickly, as the "Honeymoon" period is less than 90 days.  

 

For the GCS already in place, it's possible that you might be dealing with that rare golfer or committee member grounded in science and common sense.  If that's the case, try my method for dealing with reasonable folks and just show this photo of Alister MacKenzie and Bobby Jones deciding where to put #8 tee on Augusta National.

 

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(I've hauled this photo around for years.)  When intelligent golfers see how golf was originally intended to look, they sometimes give in and offer up one or two trees.

 

Move fast and kill them.  (The trees, not the golfers, although . . . )   

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