I had one of those rare conversations with a good friend this past week. It was the kind of chat that leaves you feeling spent afterwards, but it was worth it in so many ways. Our talk wasn't one of surface banter that we as a culture so often engage in. You know the way most of us converse most of the time; both parties say lots of words, but in the end don't really say much at all. Nope, our conversation was of a different breed, and is one that we all need to be having with our friends and families more often.

What made this conversation so good, you ask? Well, it had a lot of elements that when combined, fostered a very deep level of communication.

• It had honesty.  It is so rare to have two parties engaged in a conversation in which they are completely honest with each other. When both persons can reach a deep level of honesty-- not just with the other person but also with themselves-- a true connection of depth is made.

• It had intimacy.  This one is very rare in our culture, especially for two men. Society molds us dudes from an early age to suppress our true feelings and only deal with the surface crap. Be a "man's man" and all that foolishness is the implied if not explicit expectation most of us grow up with. Let me share a secret with all who still ascribe to that outdated operating system -- you are missing out on most of your life.

• It had truth.  Along with the solid dose of honesty, there was a fundamental level of truth contained within this chat. There was no effort to hide behind any walls or barriers. We spend so much of our lives constructing our stories and images of ourselves that we can end up losing an important part of our true identity. This loss can shake your foundation and leave you scrambling for solid ground once you realize that you've only been living at a surface level. Don't freak out... it is okay to find yourself residing in this place because this is where we can begin to unlearn all of the bullsh*t  stories about ourselves that we?ve spent our entire lives creating. It is only from here that we can begin to see the real truth of our being.

• It had humor.  When someone is in a place of self doubt and reflection, the ability to stop and laugh can be very therapeutic. If we can't chuckle at ourselves from time to time, then we are taking life much too seriously.

• Both parties listened.  How wonderful it is to have a conversation with someone who knows how to listen. This jewel is even rarer still when both parties engage in real listening. So many of our exchanges with folks on a day to day basis are lost or muddled from a complete inability to shut up and listen to each other. By putting the focus on truly listening instead of impatiently waiting for the next time we can speak, we add a richness to our interactions that may have been missing before.

• It had awareness.  This was by far the most vital component of this conversation. Both parties had something real to share. Both parties left nothing on the table. The reason for the chat was that one of the players had a moment of deep awareness that something in his life was not right and he realized that he needed help to fix the problem. So often when we have troubles in our lives we bury them deep down and pretend they are not an issue. This coping mechanism may work for a time, but in the end it will not serve true well being. Having an awareness of what truly makes us content and healthy can shed an honest light on our personal situation when things are not going as well as we would like.

We need to engage in deeper conversations more often. It is so cathartic to tear down the walls and bare our souls to another person. By connecting on a more intimate level we can not only help others, but we help ourselves by finding a deeper level of truth and honesty within us.

I am truly thankful for the chat.